PACER repair framework
Key Questions
What is the PACER repair framework?
The PACER repair framework culminates Gottman principles like Love Maps, the Four Horsemen (stonewalling, criticism, contempt, defensiveness), and concepts such as protective lies, marble jar, small gestures, and phubbing loneliness. It includes regulation and communication blueprints like active listening, I-statements, non-verbals, both-and listening, fighting fair, reflective listening, repair scripts, validating feelings, no score-keeping, solution-focus, offline flooding pauses, and five habits: reset, presence, vulnerability, validation, and stress action-orientation.
What are the 7 steps to stop acting like a manchild?
The 7 steps from Jonathon Aslay focus on self-leadership, accountability, and maturity to become the partner she deserves, moving away from immaturity and a carefree lifestyle. They emphasize personal growth to build healthier relationships.
How can couples handle the Four Horsemen in relationships?
The Four Horsemen—stonewalling, criticism, contempt, and defensiveness—can be addressed through healthy communication habits, repair scripts, and avoiding protective lies. Practices like active listening, validation, and small gestures help prevent escalation and foster connection.
What are some de-escalation techniques for arguments?
De-escalation includes 'heard without fixes,' vacation mix-up mind-reading avoidance, Angela Amias insights, Jo's story, and Troozer guide on active listening, consistency, and emotional intelligence. Techniques like offline flooding pauses and reflective listening promote fair fighting.
Why do trust struggles occur even when wanting to connect?
Trust struggles stem from protective thoughts and patterns that safeguard against vulnerability, as outlined in Psychology Today. Micro-risks and avoidant healing bundles with say/stop scripts help build trust gradually.
What are the 5 conversation habits that transform relationships?
The 5 habits include reset, presence, vulnerability, validation, and stress action-orientation, breaking autopilot loops and repetitive fights. They emphasize solution-focus and no score-keeping for healthier interactions.
How do small gestures build love?
Small gestures act as trust-building actions and micro-experiments, filling the marble jar and responding to bids effectively. Consistent micro-gestures counteract phubbing and loneliness, enhancing intimacy.
What is ghostlighting and how does it integrate into repairs?
Ghostlighting combines ghosting with gaslighting, involving blame shifts and manipulation. Integration into PACER involves audits for trauma bonding, healthy comms habits, and Four Horsemen avoidance for salvage and ceilings as per John Williams.
PACER climaxing with Gottman/LMFT/Terri bids/777/Love Maps (7 things)/Four Horsemen (stonewalling/criticism/contempt/defensiveness/protective lies/marble jar/small gestures/phubbing loneliness), regulation/comms blueprints (active listening/I-statements/non-verbals/both-and listening/fighting fair reflective listening/repair scripts/validate feelings/no score-keeping/solution-focus/offline flooding pauses/5 habits: reset/presence/vulnerability/validation/stress action-orientation). New: Jonathon Aslay self-leadership/accountability/manchild maturity steps; estrangement 'nice' kids autonomy; trust struggles (protective thoughts/micro-risks); avoidant healing bundles (say/stop scripts); de-escalation 'heard without fixes'/vacation mix-up mind-reading (Angela Amias, Jo's story/Troozer guide on active listening/consistency/EI); Sadia Khan sexless; John Williams salvage/ceilings; estrangement pauses; trauma bonding audits; intimacy rejection/8 unhealthy signs; healthy comms habits/Four Horsemen avoids; ghostlighting integration; love languages as actions; 3 types LL spins for bids. Finalizing micro-experiments/30s ND clips/checklists.